I wrote the note below almost one year ago. I believed I was ready to write about my grief again. But I wasn’t, as evidenced by the lack of posts for 11 months. I’m ready to write again, but below is a snapshot of where I was after 3 years and 2 months, and why I started this newsletter in place of my old Wordpress.
In 2019, I had a WordPress site on which I’d published several random pieces. My writing professor in college said we should claim our domain names as soon as possible if we hope to have any future in writing. I didn’t want to pay for a domain name, but I figured claiming my full name on WordPress was a start.
When my father was diagnosed with terminal stage iv pancreatic cancer on December 2, 2019, I started using the blog as a place to keep our family and friends updated. Everything was happening so fast, and it was the best way to let those who loved us know what was going on.
After my father died on January 9, 2020, I started writing about my grief on that site. I had ample time. My employed teaching one sections of online writing classes at my alma mater, and then covid lockdowns happened.
My heart was so raw, and I was isolated, and I needed a place to share. I wrote on my blog and often shared those writings on Instagram and Facebook. It was a lifeline.
My writing became more infrequent as our lives picked up pace in late 2020. When I moved to Lynchburg and started a full-time job, I stopped writing altogether.
Today is March 9, 2023. Exactly 3 years and 2 months since the day my father died. Much has happened in those years, many beautiful and wonderful and hard things, and there have been stretches of time that I have not felt my grief nearly as acutely as I did in that first year and a half.
It’s been over a year and a half since I shared deeply about my grief in public writing. And I realized that writing was the most natural and meaningful way for me to make space for grief in my life, especially after moving away from my mom.
Writing is the way I engage and make meaning for myself. It’s the way I remember my father, and feel close to him. Since I haven’t been writing as much, his presence has faded.
I brought my posts over from WordPress and social media because Substack is the best platform for writers. I plan to continue tending my garden of grief here, and anyone who wants to come walk through it with me is welcome.